


Shut Up!

by museofspeed



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Dialogue-Only, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-03
Updated: 2008-04-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 08:22:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7927573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/museofspeed/pseuds/museofspeed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An piece done only in dialogue. Nate and Wade have sex. Yeah, that's it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shut Up!

**Author's Note:**

> There are two reasons I wrote this. One, because I feel I say ____ said way too often and two, because writing Wade is so much fun.

"Y'know what's funny, Nate? I'm the Merc-with-a-Mouth, but there's not a mouth on my costume."

"What?"

"There's just this kinda blank space, y'know? It's weird."

"Wade."

"Maybe I should change it. Maybe I should, like, put a smile on it, or cut a hole or something. I mean, it'd definitely make it easier to eat. Have you ever tried eating through a mask?"

" _Wade._ "

"I mean, food just bounces off, and drinks spill and I don't really get to taste any, and if I didn't – mmph."

"My hand is on your dick and you are talking about your mask."

"Ynn mmph nngh mff!"

"If I take my hand off your mouth, will you stay focused?"

"Mmph."

"Okay."

"My mask isn't off topic! I'm wearing my mask!"

"That's because you wouldn't let me take it off. Shut up."

"Y'know, even if I'm not talking about the whole you jerking me off thing, it doesn't mean that you're not doing a great job. You do it a lot?"

"What?"

"Jerk off?"

" _What?_ "

"Hey, is your penis techno-organic?"

" _What?_ "

"It seems a pretty important question!"

"Look."

"Oh. Wow."

"Uh huh."

"It's so... _shiny!_ "

"Uh huh."

"I bet it'd really hurt to get electrocuted. You know, there's this really gross story about a guy who was – "

"Wade."

" – electrocuted when he was having sex on a mountain in a thunderstorm what?"

"Look, you're the Merc-with-a-Mouth, right?"

"...Yes."

"Can you do anything with that mouth besides talk?"

"Sure, I can eat, I can whistle, I can...oh..."

"Yes."

"Woah zish ish rahlly coow."

"You know, most people _don't_ try and talk when they're – watch the teeth!"

"Cahn yoo ehvehn feeh ih? Ah mehn, daz ih urh?"

"It doesn't hurt, but...still, why are you still talking?"

"Sahwy."

"Just...stop talking and suck me."

...

"Yes, that's it. Oh, Wade. Yesss."

...

"Damn, you really _are_ the Merc-with-a-Mouth."

"Shee? Ah tole yoo."

"Shut. Up."

"Righ, righ, sahwy."

"Look – just – ahh – okay, that's enough."

"But you haven't come yet."

"I know, Wade. I had a better idea."

"Oooh, cake?"

"...what?"

"I _like_ cake!"

"More than sex?"

"...what kind of cake, and who is the sex with?"

"The sex is with _me,_ you idiot. And I don't even know if we _have_ cake!"

"Fine, fine. What was your idea?"

"I need some lube."

"You don't need lube! I heal fast, and I've got a high pain tolerance!"

"Wade – "

"I mean, sure, I might bleed a little, but – "

" _Wade._ I'm _not_ going to hurt you. Even if you'll heal right away."

"But – "

"Lube, or I leave."

"...Fine. It's in the pouch thingy on my costume."

"Which pouch thingy, Wade?"

"The fifth one on the third horizontal belt – oh, bring 'em over here."

"Why do you even keep lube in there?"

"I need to keep _something_ in there. Here, lube. Do you think Batman uses Bat-lube? I wonder if I can call mine Dead-lube."

"Who's Batman?"

"Never mind. Lube up the Dead-cave."

"You're insane."

"Hey! The PC term is sanity impaired! Come on just – ooooooh."

"Like that?"

"It's all...cool and tingly. Sort of techno-organic. Hey! Are you using your telekinesis on my balls?"

"Yes."

"That's kinda kinky. How are stopwatches kinky?"

"...what?"

"Because I really don't get that. I mean you could...time stuff? Timing stuff isn't really hot."

"I need a gag."

"Wait – don't take your finger outta me! I'll be good!"

"How about adding another one in?"

"Y-yeah, that's okay."

"Just okay?"

"No! It's totally cool! Ohhh...ohhh...oh no."

"What?"

"I just thought of something."

"What is it, Wade?"

"Hey! Don't stop moving! Oh, better. No, I just don't know – what do I call out when I'm coming?"

"What?"

"I mean, like, do I shout Cable? Nate? Dayspring? Richards?"

"Why would you call Richards?"

"Doom does."

"What?"

"Curse you, Richards!"

"Look, you can shout whatever you want to shout. Quiet."

"Do you think Spider-Man's gay? Gail thinks Spider-Man's gay."

"Who's Gail?"

"She's pretty much God."

"Agh!"

"Hey, wait, where you going? What's that? No! Don't! Oh, Duct Tape, why have you betrayed mmmph!"

"Much better. Now, where were we? Oh yes. My dick. Your ass."

"Mngh. Mphmmm mmph."

"Still trying to talk?"

"Mmmwmm."

"I'm sure."

"Mmmmm."

"Was that a moan?"

"Mmm!"

"It was, wasn't it?"

"Mmmnnn!"

"Oh, stop trying to deny it. All I have to do is shift a little like _this,_ "

"Nnnnn!"

"N-now I touch you like _this..._ oh, Wade, you feel so good."

"Gnnn. Gnnn!"

"F-fine, here."

"Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou! Holy _buttsex,_ Nate, this is so awesome!"

"Wade..."

"That's me! And that's you! With your dick up my ass! Hey, I bet this is how Cyclops feels all the time! Only with him it's more like a ten foot pole and he has to walk around with it in – "

"N-not the time to talk about my...oh, my dad."

"Right, of course. Oooh, Nathan Dayspring Gesuntheit Askani'son Summers Cable Whatever We're Calling You These Days! Priscilla! Ooooh!"

"Gonna – gonna – "

"Come?"

"Y-yes. Not yet. Soon."

"Cool! Me too!"

"Very c-coherant, y-you – "

"My mouth's not actually connected to my brain. Trust me, I'm not thinking at all right now."

"Th-that new?"

"Nope! Oooh, Nate! _Nate!_ "

"Just – ah – almost – almost there."

"Seriously, your dick is all cool and tingly in me. It's awesome."

"Ahhh! Keep talking, Wade."

"Wait, what?"

"D-don't stop!"

"No one's ever _wanted_ me to talk!"

"T-turns me on, your voice – "

"I can definitely keep talking. Nate, Nate, Natey-Nate-Nate. If anyone could put me at a loss for words, it'd probably be you (though it hasn't actually happened yet, or if it has, it hasn't lasted long enough for anyone to notice! Ha!) And if anyone can pull off this whole Messiah thing, it's you, and I'd never sell our title to the devil, no matter how many old ladies necks were on the line. Speaking of old ladies, what happened to Blind Al?"

"Agh – I'm – oh, _Wade!_ I'm coming!"

"Oh, right, sex. Eep! That's my shoulder! Oh. _Nice!_ "

"Yeah."

"That was fun, Nate! We should do it again!"

"You're very...cuddly."

"I like cuddling! _Manly_ cuddling."

"Of course."

"Don't laugh at me! You're laughing at me!"

"Maybe a little."

"Fine. You know, I'm a little surprised."

"Yeah? What about?"

"Well, you. I didn't think – "

"That I felt this way about you?"

"Oh, no, _that_ was obvious."

" _Obvious?_ What are you talking about? I checked, no one realized – "

"The comic title has both of our names on it. It's like Green Arrow and Black Canary, only good."

"...I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh. Fourth wall thing."

"Right. You've got to watch that."

"Sorry."

"What were you surprised about?"

"I kind of thought you'd be, I don't know, shyer."

"What?"

"Like, that you'd prefer a fade-to-black to a plot-what-plot."

"You've lost me again."

"...never mind."  



End file.
